the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
