forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
