I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
