You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
