Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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