Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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