you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
