Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
