Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
