so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
