I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
