when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
