Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
