"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
