I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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