I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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