I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
