i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
