lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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