Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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