she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
