If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
