Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
