Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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