Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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