During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
