Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
