we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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