They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
