It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
