I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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