The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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