you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
