He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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