I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
