You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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