Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
