Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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