Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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