I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
