dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
