ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
