there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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