My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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