Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
