Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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