Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
