Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
