just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
