I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
True strength comes from lack of pants
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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