Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
