I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
