go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
