remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
