we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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