Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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