so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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