you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
