the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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