Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
