dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
